The nuptials - GAZI

Yesterday my sister got married. It was the most fantastic day of the year. Two people celebrating their love for each other on a stunning Saturday afternoon in the most exclusive suburb in Johannesburg (and if anyone disputes that – Mandela lives there so Shame)

-For those of you who have not been to or had a traditional coloured wedding, here are a few tips:

There will be over 150 guests – not sure how many Mrs Bennett had, but they were definitely over 150

-Family will come from Durban or Cape Town (ours was Durban)

-There should be no cash bar – that’s just annoying

-Cars are important – Mercedes or BMW, luxury sedans are a must – please don’t be a Toyota bride. That’s just sad. Find a friend and use their car.

-Pictures need to be taken with every person that attended the wedding, even the current boyfriend of the most commitment – phobic cousin. Include him/her

-Glasses will break – in this case it was the clumsy brother of the bride (yes, that’s me)

-We will dance "the step" to at least three song, and some will always try to dance better than others. You feet will get hurt 

-Brenda Fassie should be played – in the Bennett +Doyle wedding, not so much – disappointing

-Always put the “white people from the work” at the same table and make them feel welcome

-The bride, groom and guests should stay in their wedding outfits until the bride leaves the party – none of this changing into jeans bullshit

-You will eat Brihani sometime during weekend - in this case Sunday. We had lamb or Kingklip at the ceremony - (Holla) 

-You will be exhausted by the end of the evening.

-The venue owners will fight with you at the end of the night, someone won’t want to go home!

-Family members will be in tears with bottles of champagne on the floor 

And lastly

There will be a party the next day at the parents of the bride/grooms house – usually a braai and drinking occasion. In this case the couple did not attend the party, but we partied anyway.

One of the best things in life is a coloured wedding - we are fantastic and damn – we know how to throw a kick ass party

Cheers to K and L

Love

J

Im So Confused...!

So I have been out of the blogging scene for some time now. A few fans have complained. (Holla)

It’s just that I am so confused!!!!!

I don’t seem to be alone in this, most 20 something’s (over 23 under 30) are experiencing the same thing. “I don’t know if I’m helping anyone with what I’m doing”, “I’m making money, but I hate what Im doing?” “Will we ever get rid of this feeling?”

We are all so confused - I suggest we all disappear to an Island and just live there? If not, listen to the Jamie Cullum’s - 20 something.  I would type it out for you guys but I’m so confused!

Sigh

Have fun… being confused

Italian Hot Chocolate…

Over the weekend, I was craving a piece of meat. Steak; medium done with a glass of deep red wine.  

Being the hedonist I am, I have always loved Northern Johannesburg.  As a young gayler, my father would take me to Baglios order me a cappuccino and would explain to me the ridiculous amounts of money I was destined to make and inherit. Well, I am now 24 and have yet to inherit what I was promised or be rolling in the dough as he predicted.

But this is beside the point; point is that I was looking for a steak. So my chomaral and I decided to take what was left of our monthly disposable income and blow it on a good piece of meat. First we headed to Parkhurst, jaded by the area we live in and thus frequent, we decided to head off to Rosebank, maybe DoppioZero? Paying the R5 to Daisy (the regular parking maiden at the booms that never work? You know the side im talking about?) We headed off to Trupps Centre in Illovo, again paying R10 to park the car we headed off to Turn ‘n Tender, “Sorry guys, do you have a reservation?”. “Fuck Man” I thought to myself, but I kept cool and waited for “Jared” the host to direct us to a table just outside the door. Let’s just say the steak was so satisfying, I did not need to head to Babylon afterwards.

As we proceeded to the car whilst debating whether “Jared – The Host” was Canadian or not, we came across Rabbit in the Sky, they had a sign outside advertising that they had Italian Hot Chocolate. Why was it Italian? I thought; did it have an accent? Would it romanticize me and clear out my bank account? No,it was Italian because it was full of passion, hot as Kim Kardashian’s career and oh so sexy. In a tall, dark and handsome mug, my Italian Hot chocolate hit the spot. It was thick and I had to thin it out with a teaspoon but I would do it all again.

The night turned out perfect. We passed out on the queen sized King Coil (giggles) happy as two Italian maidens on their second night of marriage.

Do yourself a favour and get the Hot chocolate that changes lives

Have fun

J

Mara why, Michelle?

So Michelle Obama is tooling around Jozi causing traffic jams with her convoy of black SUVs. Whilst here, she plans to do the usual – visit Madiba, visit Soweto and a few museums.  Kiss a few babies in skwatta camps. I’m just happy that Winnie was kept out of her way, because people, is there anyone more media sluttish than Winnie Madikizela Mandela?

My question is this, why is she here? Why did Michelle Obama decide to visit our sunny South Africa? I have been scrambling the media to figure it out, but all the papers and tweets seem to talk about is speculation – Michelle Obama will bring Economic emancipation, Michelle Obama will be the one to exposure corrupt governance? What?! From where?

Today she will make a speech? Civil right and apartheid liberation, ok… nothing I haven’t heard before. Again I pose the question? Why is she here? Here are a few of my speculations:

1.       Mandela is near the end and she wanted to meet him before he meets Jesus?

2.       Barack Obama wants to take a second wife, like our president, and she wants go get more information?

3.       Michelle has to choose the second wife?

4.       The Obamas want to adopt a white South African child?

5.       Michelle wants to be the next president of South Africa?

Now only time will tell if my suspicions are factual.

Let’s wait, in the traffic she has created

Love you Michelle

Jarred